


What's in a Job?

by Grimsy



Category: Homestuck
Genre: AU where Jack Noir has a chair instead of a dinky little stool of shame, M/M, Trans Character, porn with a little plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-15
Updated: 2018-07-15
Packaged: 2019-06-11 03:24:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15306387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Grimsy/pseuds/Grimsy
Summary: Archagent Jack Noir doesn't want to go to a meeting but neither does his selected stand-in.





	What's in a Job?

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, hand over your attention for a moment before you dive into my filth, if you would, please:
> 
> 1) Jack Noir is a trans man in this.  
> 2) I never planned to ever write *and* upload anything NSFW, but here we are.  
> 3) I started this a while ago and wanted to finish it so I could focus on a certain bigger fic.  
> 4) Please, forgive me.
> 
> Okay, all good. If you're not a trans man or trans masculine person, you can skip this next part, but if you are:
> 
> There is an oral sex scene and a front penetration scene. I have been careful with the language used but if either of these actions make you feel uncomfortable, I would suggest you not go forward with reading it.

‘Archagent Noir?’ 

Jack Noir heard his title again and immediately increased the pace of his walk. Unfortunately, it did nothing to stop the other agent from breaking into a jog to catch up to him. Jack wasn’t trying to lose the agent, but he would have preferred to have had some distance. Especially when the agent just wouldn’t shut up. 

‘Archagent Noir, sir, I really need that list of names prior to the meeting. You know, sir, the lists of farmers drafted by our Skaian Affairs office, sir. The ones in your hand—I don’t see why you had to run off with them, sir. Our most magnificent Majesty, the Black Queen, is demanding them at once, sir. You’ve signed them, yes?’

Jack grumbled at him and wondered if it would be out of order to trip the agent up. He was really craving something out of order. Jack made his grip on the documents in his hand tighter instead. As much as he hated the company, he needed a witness for what he was about to do.

‘Sir, our Queen, glorious and serene, gave new notice that she was going to attend the meeting. She says it’s a great honour for the council to have such attention given to it, sir. She told me to tell you that she demands the lists immediately because she is depending on them for…’

Jack wondered if it was possible to lose his eyes by rolling them all the way back into his skull. He forcibly tuned out the agent’s blathering for his own benefit. Contrary to what the Dersite thought—if he ever—Jack was already aware that there was going to be an increase of snobbery at that table of numbshells.

Prior to the war, select agents would have attended low-priority meetings on behalf of the Black Queen, so Jack had been able to look forward to an occasion where he could avoid Her Royal Haughtiness. However, the Queen eventually grew bored of lurking in her chambers, much to every agent’s fucking disappointment.

Well, almost every.

‘And she said that you should have contacted her directly instead of going to the Minister, sir, for it’s the Queen’s proud and noble duty to serve her kingdom. Also, sir, she said that you really ought to stop—’

Jack cut him off, tired of his rambling, and spoke sharply, ‘If anyone needs to stop here, agent, it’s you, because if you go any further, your head’s going to be so far up the Queen’s ass that you’ll make a pretty shoddy mouthpiece.’

Jack’s steps came to a halt outside his destination. The other agent nearly tripped in an attempt to avoid collision with him.

‘Of c-course, sir…’ The agent grappled with an attempt at a polite smile, but the poor bastard was too wrought with the fear of pissing off his Archagent any further to commit to it.

_Good_.

He didn’t knock, Jack Noir simply grabbed both door handles and swung them wide open as he charged in.

 

The Draconian Dignitary was never startled by this, even when Jack actually put in the effort as he thrust the handles forward. The other agent, however, jumped at the sound of the doors slamming into their respective walls.

The Dignitary was seated peacefully, with a copy of _The Enquiring Carapacian_ splayed out over his desk and a cigarette balanced between two delicate fingers. All of which were barely disturbed by the Archagent that stormed in and the anxious agent that crept in after. 

Jack didn’t want to waste time so he stood near the doorway. He also didn’t want to give the Draconian Dignitary an opportunity to resist what he was about to do. Even the few steps from the Dignitary’s desk back to the door would give him enough time to slip in some sly words that might create doubt about Jack’s decision.

No, the Dignitary would be given no such opportunity and under these dire circumstances, Jack was not willing to take any risks.

‘Draconian Dignitary,’ Jack spoke loudly. He didn’t have to, but it was all part of the act. ‘I order you, as your Archagent, and in the name of the Black King and the Black Queen to…’ 

Jack paused to find the necessary words to finish the command at its current level of formality. He did not find them. 

Now pointing at the other agent, he continued, ‘Go with him to some fucking meeting on, uh…’

The agent helpfully chimed in, ‘Harvest requisitioning strategies for Derse’s army on Skaia, sir.’

Yeesh, that was the trap he almost stepped into? Thank fuck he’d found his ticket out of it.

‘Yeah, that. Gourds and shit. That is your assignment. Listen, take notes, behave, and stop by my office to debrief me in…’

He looked to the other agent again and tapped the back of his wrist, where a watch might have been, had their uniform policies not been so strict and had Jack possessed any tolerance for incessant ticking.

‘Oh,’ The agent spoke, ‘It’s four hours, Archagent Noir, sir.’

‘Four hours.’ Jack repeated at the Dignitary.

It was a last resort. Relayed information tended to get jumbled, misinterpreted, and the Dignitary had, on multiple occasions, demonstrated this flaw. Or rather, replicated it, because as much as the Dignitary sighed and tutted to himself for ever making such an error, Jack wasn’t putting that shit in his cart, wasn’t taking it to the checkout, and wasn’t having it bagged.

Even if it was on sale, Jack just wasn’t buying it. 

He understood, the Dignitary would rather play careless to avoid having his time wasted, Jack got it. He didn’t want to be carted off to surprise meetings where they wouldn’t even give him the liberty of a smoke break, Jack sympathised entirely. And it was an honest shame, it truly was, that the Dignitary still believed he could do anything about it.

‘And, Dignitary? Hurry or you’ll make me look late.’ Jack added.

The Draconian Dignitary had barely stirred since their entrance, but his stare turned hollow and cold. That was as far as Jack got to a ‘yes, sir’ at times, especially when those times did not appeal to the Dignitary whatsoever. 

Jack tossed the agent next to him the lists that he’d been so persistently chased for. He saw the agent flail but manage to catch them; perhaps there was hope for that one yet.

‘Escort the Dignitary or the next time you call on me, you’ll leave with fewer fingers. In fact, you’ll be lucky if I let you keep both thumbs.’

The reaction was visible, even from the corner of Jack’s eye as he left the room. He had just ruined the day of not one, but two agents. One, he’d saddled with the torment of hours of droning, the other, he’d saddled with the Draconian Dignitary.

It didn’t matter to Jack, however. Just as long as it wasn’t him.

 

Jack made sure to take the long route back to his office. The last thing he wanted was to come across anyone else with an order to drag him somewhere. Plus, he could use the walk to help him relax a bit, and surely there was nothing better for that than a stroll through convoluted gothic architecture.

Relief. That was the feeling that sought to free Jack from this mess of a day. The knowledge that he could take refuge in his office, while someone else was subjected to everything he hated instead.

Maybe not just relief, a little joy too, assuming he could muster that.

He would return to his office now and wait for the Draconian Dignitary to report back, like a good, not-so-little agent. Once the Dignitary filled him in, he would file that information away somewhere and be done with it. Then the next time someone came knocking for progress, he could shove that down their throat to choke on.

It was tedious work, all of it, but at least he wasn’t the one at fucking FarmCon.

Jack saw the doors to his office and hurried up. He had initially feared that someone would be lurking outside, ready to take him away, but the space was empty.

As he approached his office, he considered what he could do with his new-found free time. Parking citations? There were certainly a lot of tickets that needed to be dealt with, always fucking were. Or... He could take a nap…

Everyone worthy of note was in their stupid, soul-crushing meeting, the Queen included. What a rare opportunity this was… He could do it. He could get away with this.

Jack couldn’t help but smile to himself. He could sit back in his chair and let his eyelids droop, while all the suckers he’d abandoned to their little gathering would be using staples to keep theirs open. It was poetic, Jack thought. _Roses are red, violets are blue, fuck ‘em._

He pushed open the doors to his office.

‘What...’ The word fell out of his mouth, it felt clumsy and easily portrayed his disbelief at what he was seeing.

‘Archagent Noir.’ The Draconian Dignitary bowed his head in greeting from Jack’s chair, behind Jack’s desk, in Jack’s office.

Suddenly, Jack felt nothing. No relaxation. No relief. And no fucking joy. 

‘One reason.’ He uttered darkly, ‘Give me one good reason why the fuck you’re in my office.’

 

The déjà vu was giving Jack whiplash. 

He wanted to ask how the fuck the Draconian Dignitary had weaselled out of the desperate grasp of that agent Jack had brought to him, all to witness Jack transfer his duty firsthand. Although that information hardly mattered at this point, Jack did spend an extra second or two looking over the room for the agent—or a body. There were no signs of either.

The Dignitary sat across the room from him once again, watching Jack with a seemingly indifferent expression. He didn’t offer an explanation, he didn’t even indicate he was about to.

‘The fuck are you doing here?’ Jack pressed the question again.

‘Just taking a seat.’

‘In my office, huh?’

The Dignitary made a show of examining his surroundings, moving his head from side to side, up and down, then returning his attention to Jack again.

‘Well, would you look at that.’ Even when he was being a snarky shit, the Dignitary’s tone was as dull as ever. It really just pissed Jack off more.

Jack had no idea what the hell the Dignitary was thinking, waltzing back into Jack’s office after he’d just been directly assigned to be his fucking stand-in. The whole point of being the Archagent was to have inferiors to take these bullets for you. Jack was getting close to just putting one in the Dignitary himself.

The likely course of action now would be for the other agents to send someone up (after drawing straws) to find out where the fuck either of them were. Probably the same unlucky agent from earlier, assuming he was alive.

That thought aside, he was getting impatient. Feeling that the Dignitary’s explanation for his behaviour was now long overdue, Jack spoke to signify this, ‘Do I gotta say _speak_ for you to start yapping?’

The Dignitary tilted his head but otherwise remained wordless, and by extension, useless. 

‘You have somewhere to be. Get out!’ Jack snapped and held his arm out towards the hallway behind him.

The Dignitary looked past Jack, as directed, but he didn’t move. He didn’t stand up, walk towards the hallway, then softly close the doors behind him. He didn’t do a fucking thing.

If Jack wasn’t already glaring, he definitely was now. He had to rectify this mess, there was still a chance that he could fix this before anyone came and corralled him into four hours of hell. If the Dignitary needed a slap on the wrist for this bout of insubordination, then that was exactly what he would receive and more.

Jack turned around and slammed the doors shut, then whirled on the Dignitary.

‘Is there a fucking outbreak of selective hearing I should be aware of?’ He stomped towards the agent, stopping in front of his desk.

The Dignitary promptly stood up and Jack sighed. _Thank fuck._

Of course the Dignitary would rather take an earful from a meeting than an earful from Jack; one of them didn’t carry the potential aftermath of tinnitus. Jack wondered why he ever let his temper flare at all, things always fell into place eventually and even the Dignitary was not exempt from gravity. It was over and now he could—

The return to relief seemed to be more fleeting than anticipated. The second Jack’s fury seemed to dissipate, the Dignitary’s face changed. It grew into something of a playful expression.

And then suddenly it was too playful.

It was sultry, teasing, with low-lidded eyes, the whole shebang of something that was a lot more than _playful._

Jack braced himself.

The Dignitary began to saunter around the desk and towards Jack, with both hands clasped behind his back. Something about it all urged Jack to move in the opposite direction. He started walking backwards, keeping his eyes on the Dignitary and his desk between them both. He made sure to look angry, even though he was retreating. And of course he was, because watching the Draconian Dignitary do anything with his face that wasn’t wrapping his lips around a cigarette, was downright _daunting._

‘Archagent… _Boss…’_ The Dignitary cooed, and Jack was surprised when his tense spine managed a shiver in response.

Dissatisfied with being teased, or even more likely, mocked, Jack made sure his frown now featured some teeth; a well-implied threat. 

‘What!’ Jack was balanced precariously between annoyance, alarm, and another A word, which had an R, an O, a U, an S, A, L... 

He damn well hated every second of it. 

The Dignitary continued his pursuit, slowly closing in, _‘Sir...’_

‘I swear, you better not start shit now, because you’re on thin fucking ice and I—’ 

Jack’s legs bumped into something and he lost his balance. He watched the world and the Dignitary tilt, and the Dignitary watched him back, as Jack fell awkwardly into the chair at his desk. 

Unperturbed by Jack’s apparent clumsy behaviour, the Dignitary walked up to his Archagent’s side. 

Jack felt oddly vulnerable remaining seated and scrambled to get to his feet again. As he moved to stand, to rise to meet his agitator, the Dignitary quickly drew a hand out to gently push him back into his seat. 

Struck by the audacity of this, Jack couldn’t help but let him. He knew he would kick himself (and the Dignitary) later for doing it, but he was too bewildered by whatever the fuck was going on to do anything but stare.

‘Archagent Noir, yes, as I was saying...’ The Dignitary’s hand moved to hover over the surface of Jack’s desk, letting his slender fingers tap the wood. ‘I wanted to tell you, I have decided that it would be pertinent for me not to attend the meeting on… Oh, what was it?’ 

Pauses for effect were the Dignitary’s forte, and before Jack could demolish that little delight of his, he continued. 

‘Gourds?’ The Dignitary wondered aloud, ‘That was what you were so intensely raving about, wasn’t it?’

Jack grit his teeth, ‘We had this conversation… Minutes ago…’

‘Yes, we did. And you know what, Archagent Noir?’ The Dignitary yawned. He held his hand up to cover his mouth, and he fucking yawned. ‘It was as boring then as it is now.’

If Jack had ever felt even a morsel of pity for volunteering the Dignitary to suffer on his behalf, it vanished at that moment.

Recalling some spiel that Jack himself had been given earlier, from the very agent who had been hounding him, he recited some of it for the Dignitary’s benefit. He made sure to include a few especially hostile hisses where pronunciation would allow. 

‘This is all vital to the war, to the victory of Derse’s army on the battlefield. It’s not about what you want, Dignitary. It’s not even about what I want. Do you want to know what I’d be doing if I were doing what I wanted?’ 

There was some genuine intrigue in the Dignitary’s voice when he responded, ‘And what would you be doing, Archagent Noir?’

‘I’d be signing the necessary paperwork to have your tongue carved out and exiled for all the fucking backtalk it’s giving me!’

He had seen the Dignitary react to physical threats of violence before, specifically ones made to his face. Some sort of recoil away from the aggressor was to be expected, and a whole lot of visible disapproval. 

And yet, Jack saw something else. Something devious flitted across the features of the Dignitary’s face. Whatever it was, it brought a smile back with it. 

‘Backtalk?’ He hummed, ‘Why, Archagent Noir, I would never dream of pestering you.’ 

Jack would love to believe that, he really would. He wasn’t an idiot though, because only an idiot could believe that there was a single universe out there where a Draconian Dignitary could say that in earnest.

The Dignitary shook his head, ‘I’ve obviously made some mistake with my intentions here, and as a result, you’ve clearly gotten off on the wrong foot with them. Please, allow me to make myself clear.’

He took a single step forward, directly into Jack’s space. 

The speed at which the Draconian Dignitary dropped to his knees nearly gave Jack a heart attack. The way he slithered closer, into the space between Jack’s legs, smoothed his hands over them, should have killed Jack. He was practically breathless by the time the Dignitary’s fingers stopped sliding up towards his groin, resting only inches away.

‘What the fuck?!’ Jack spluttered, unable to process what he was both seeing and feeling at the same rate as the Dignitary’s ardour. In an attempt to give himself more time to gather his wits, he caught the Dignitary’s wrists before the agent’s hands became too brave in their wandering.

The Dignitary looked up at him, clearly entertained by the reaction but still so alluring. It was dizzying for Jack to look back at him. While his grip stopped the other agent’s movements, the weight and warmth of the Dignitary’s hands on his thighs was… Uncomfortably comfortable.

‘I’m simply clearing up my intentions, Archagent Noir.’

The Dignitary’s hands seemed to be getting impatient, as Jack began to feel eager fingertips teasing him. The Archagent choked his words out, ‘And _what_ are those supposed to be?’

‘Oh, _Archagent Noir...’_ The Dignitary purred out his title in a way that made Jack melt—and like hell did Jack know what to do with that feeling. ‘I fear I’m suddenly far too busy to sit through four hours of farm-talk.’

 

…

 

…

 

…

 

**Farm-talk.**

 

The shock of the situation evaporated under the fire of Jack’s eyes as he scowled at him. 

Did the Dignitary think that he was going to seduce his way out of his Archagent’s orders? Did he really believe that Jack was going to perish in that fucking meeting just because some handsome bastard put his hands on him?

Jack found his resolve again, ‘Well, you’re going to sit through four hours of fucking _farm-talk,_ so suck it up!’ 

‘Listening isn’t really in my cloned skill-set.’ The Dignitary sighed deeply; the fucking actor.

‘You’re telling me!’ 

Jack hissed as the Dignitary swiftly pulled his wrists free from his hold.

The Dignitary raised his hands in mock surrender, then lowered them back to his sides. Jack expected him to retreat entirely but the agent simply knelt there, waiting with all the patience of someone with a professional level of avoidance. 

‘Look...’ Jack groaned and had to rub his eyes, just as an excuse to stop meeting the Dignitary’s heated gaze. 

‘You’re going to the meeting. You’re going to because I’m telling you to go, ‘cause I don’t want to go! I’m not sitting in that stuffy room with those idiots! And that’s your job, you do what I tell you and—Dignitary, _Dignitary!’_  

In the few seconds that Jack had spent trying to reason with him, the Dignitary had lifted his elbow onto Jack’s knee to prop up his head. Not being distracting enough, one of his hands returned to trace a finger against the inside of Jack’s other thigh. 

‘Yes, Archagent Noir?’ He smiled, like a complete and utter fucking nuisance.

‘I—’

The Dignitary cut him off, ‘Listen, Archagent Noir, with all due respect, I really don’t care either way…’

‘Then just—’

‘But...’ And there it was, another well-timed pause after fucking stepping on Jack’s words. ‘I feel quite confident that my skill-set would prove more appropriate attending to something else… Perhaps you could assign me... _A_ _personal_ _errand?’_  

Jack Noir gawked. Not the most attractive thing one could do when they were being propositioned for—god, was even this happening? 

He watched the Dignitary’s fingers as they glided over his shell. His mouth felt dry. He wanted a drink. He wanted another leisurely stroll. He wanted—he wanted... 

Jack shook his head, emptying out the thoughts that would leave him looking far too flushed. However, one of those thoughts he could not abandon. 

Someone was surely coming to find them. Jack had no idea how long it had been but the meeting should have started by now. Some agent would open that door any second and they would both be completely fucked. What if there was already someone stood outside his door, listening to every word. 

Feeling too safe in the silence to completely break it, Jack leaned down so that his whispering would be heard. He couldn’t think of a convincing string of words to get any fucking concept of risk across to the man between his legs, so he kept it short and sweet, ‘The meeting, you idiot!’

‘I don’t want to go to your farmer’s market and— _ah...’_ The Dignitary lifted his hand to brush his thumb over Jack’s lips, keeping him too stunned to interrupt. ‘And you, look at you, boss... So tense.’ 

The Dignitary slid his hand from Jack’s lips to hold his cheek. He sat up closer to him, close enough that the Dignitary’s lips almost ghosted over the other’s. 

‘I could do us both some good if you’d permit me to, Archagent Noir.’

Jack was very clear on what the Dignitary meant. He also knew that there were at least a hundred other ways that would allow the Dignitary to avoid the meeting, ways that even Jack Noir would be forced to yield to. He was a real piece of shit like that.

For some unfathomable reason, Dignitary was here because he chose to be here. He was in front of Jack because he made the insane decision to be... The self-centred, stuck-up, bastard-in-a-shell was kneeling before him because he wanted to be. And Jack Noir would be damned if that wasn’t kind of hot.

He grabbed the Dignitary’s hand and threw it from his face. Jack caught the fleeting second of surprise in the Dignitary’s expression, and before he could say any other clever crap, Jack’s own hand cupped the Dignitary’s jaw.

‘Will you stop fucking calling me Archagent Noir?’

The Dignitary blinked and that wicked smile returned. 

‘Sure thing... Jack.’ 

Jack’s hands immediately went to seize Dignitary’s collar and yanked him closer, forcing their lips together. The Dignitary was more than keen to respond, kissing him back, keeping up with the same hunger and intensity as his Archagent. Jack gave him whatever the fuck he had, passion, tongue, teeth.

He bit the Dignitary’s lower lip. Oh, he wanted to leave marks all over this fucker. He was going to. That’ll fucking teach him for not doing what he’s told, for looking so fucking good all the time, for ever looking at Jack like _that._  

Jack’s enthusiasm received a low chuckle in return.

The Dignitary pulled back, he was practically grinning. ‘I knew you’d been high strung lately, boss, but this is something else…’ 

‘Shut up and kiss me, you contentious fucker.’ 

Obliging to his Archagent’s demands, the Dignitary returned his attention where requested. Their lips met again and Jack ran his hands over the Dignitary’s shoulders, digging his claws into the fabric of the agent’s tunic. He wanted to shred it.

Jack closed his eyes, focusing on the heat of the Dignitary on his mouth, the way his hands slowly moved up his thighs and higher. He felt the Dignitary’s fingers slide over his tunic to take hold of his waist and gently pull Jack towards him. Jack allowed himself to be moved closer, but made sure that the Dignitary wasn’t just going to drag him down onto the floor.

Positioned at the edge of his seat, the Dignitary began to move into Jack again, forcing him to lean back into his chair. When Jack’s head eventually touched the back of his seat, his lips were too far for the Dignitary’s own to reach. Jack opened his eyes, just in time to watch the Dignitary reaching for the buttons of his tunic. 

Jack had to bite his own tongue to keep himself from telling the agent to fuck off. It was a knee-jerk response, as well as out of principle—the Dignitary was looking far too pleased—but Jack managed to keep himself quiet.

The Dignitary freed the final button and slowly opened Jack’s tunic, letting his hands rest on Jack’s waist. 

‘You’re a real sight for sore eyes, Jack.’

‘Take a picture,’ Jack scoffed, ‘Then I could have you locked up for the possession of indecent imagery.’ 

‘You feeling indecent?’

‘I’m feeling like kicking you.’ 

The Dignitary leaned up towards him again, but went for the base of Jack’s neck this time, slowly peppering the space in kisses. 

Jack sighed and watched as the Dignitary’s affections carefully trailed down his body. His lips were soft and warm, and Jack eagerly awaited the moments when they would linger against him. It was directly in contrast to the heated frenzy they had started with, but he allowed it.

The action was almost loving and perhaps would be if Jack thought either of them were capable of anything so nauseating. Absolutely not, especially not the Dignitary. All vanity and other irritating bullshit, like indulging those trashy newspapers, burning through ten cigarettes on a good day, preventing Jack from putting holes in people who have it coming, smelling nice—wait. 

The Dignitary met his eyes as he kissed his shell again and Jack felt the disgusting urge to smile back. He didn’t. And it was good that he didn’t because suddenly the Dignitary fucking bit him.

‘Knock that off.’ Jack hissed, only to immediately hiss again when his remark earned him something closer to what one might expect from a fucking shark.

_‘Whoops.’_ The Dignitary mumbled against the sore spot his teeth had graced. 

Ignoring the pinpricks of blood, dotting each mark that the Dignitary’s fucking face-knives left above his hips, the agent paused his pursuit just above Jack’s crotch. 

‘You know, Jack. I believe there’s a clause in the uniform requirements… Something against going commando under our tunics, were you aware of that?’ 

‘Are you going to tell me on now?’ Jack grinned, unable to hide his growing eagerness for what the Dignitary had clearly been building up to.

‘Yes, my boss will definitely want to hear about this. I’ll let him know when I’m done.’

The Dignitary waited until Jack had opened his mouth to respond, unable to resist trying to get the last word in, then—

**‘Archagent Noir?’**

 

It all happened at once. The Dignitary’s hands wrapping around his thighs, head ducking between his legs, and then the voice behind the door.

The palm of Jack’s hand slammed against his mouth in frantic an effort to mute himself. Even the presence at the door wasn’t nearly as horrifying to Jack as the sound that slipped out of him when he felt the Dignitary’s tongue against him. 

He expected the Dignitary to laugh at him. He didn’t.

He expected the Dignitary to stop. He didn’t. 

He expected the Dignitary to do _anything._ Oh, he did... 

Jack’s toes curled tightly as the Dignitary continued, slow and teasing, focusing on his cock, making Jack squirm against him.

‘Archagent Noir?’ The voice repeated, ‘Are you there, sir?’

Jack dragged his hand across his face. His eyes darted between the door and the Dignitary, the latter was entirely immersed in his activity. The Dignitary watched Jack passively as he worked his tongue against him, and there was something astounding about it. The Dignitary, actually doing some fucking work. However, like the rest of his rarely-attended duties, the Dignitary was exceeding expectations and there were only so many noises Jack could successfully suppress. 

He chewed his lips, biting down after every small gasp that escaped him. He felt the Dignitary swirl his tongue, toying with Jack’s sensitivity. He wanted to focus on that, he so desperately wanted to focus on that. 

Jack heard three knocks at the door. 

‘Sir? Sir, I need to speak to you, do I have your permission to enter—’

_‘NO!’_ His voice sounded strained. He hoped that the agent would simply dismiss it as annoyance. 

‘Oh, I thought you weren’t in there for a moment, sir! Thank goodness I found you!’ 

_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._

Jack just had to be an idiot and open his goddamn mouth and now he had to open it again.

He looked down at the Dignitary, who was completely apathetic to the situation and to Jack’s desire to speak like a normal fucking carapace.

Jack coughed, trying to clear his throat from tension, then spoke, ‘Yeah, _thank goodness..._ (Don’t you pull any fucking stunts down there while I’m talking, got it?) What the hell do you want, agent?’ 

The Dignitary looked compliant to Jack’s hushed order. Compliant definitely looked like that. It definitely stared back at you, on its knees, mouth open, enticing you with its tongue. That was the pinnacle of compliant. He would have given compliant a raise, had he actually paid him.

‘Sir, it’s me from earlier, sir!’ The voice said. 

Jack’s mind was only half-present, eyes hungrily lingering on the Dignitary lavishing him. Still, he made the minor effort to run through a mental list of agents he’d seen that day. The voice certainly sounded familiar, but apparently, it just wasn’t important enough for a name to accompany it. 

‘And who the fuck is _me?_ (What? Don’t talk with your mouth full—oh, of fucking course— _him.)’_  

A mumbled prompt from the Dignitary helped jog his memory. It was that little fucker from earlier. The bastard who couldn’t wrangle the other bastard in front of him. 

‘You didn’t deliver the Dignitary, agent…’ Considering his current circumstances, Jack had decided that he was no longer mad about this outcome, but the agent didn’t need to know this.

He heard the tell-tale shuffling of anxious feet from behind the door.

‘Well, sir, you must understand, sir! The Dignitary said he was going out for a cigarette and you see, sir, he has much longer legs than I do, so he moved much quicker, sir. I didn’t even think he could move that fast. It was startling, sir.’ 

_God, he just fucking goes on and on…_  

Jack groaned, he was restless enough as it was without wanting to put a knife in someone’s head.

Suddenly the sound was swapped with a moan, and Jack’s eyelids fluttered. He felt lips press and suck him, leaving his knees trembling. He left his jaw hanging open, desperately trying to focus on keeping his legs under control. Jack thought he saw the Dignitary smirk at him.

‘Are you alright, sir...?’ The agent gingerly inquired. 

‘I’m— _oh, god_ —I’m fucking fine! (What the fuck did I say?!)’

‘What was that, sir?’ 

‘I said I was fine!’ Jack barked, ‘Just, listen to me, alright?’

‘I’m listening, sir, I am. But the meeting, sir?’ 

Jack’s hands squeezed the armrests of his chair. He needed to think but he could barely do that with the Dignitary going to town on him, and he wasn’t about to tell him to stop. Oh, no. No one was taking this away from him.

His concentration faltered and Jack's focus turned to the only thing it wanted to: how perfect the Dignitary looked there, lips sucking him off and broad shoulders shifting ever so slightly… Eyes making Jack wish that the Dignitary had just dragged him to the floor.

‘Archagent Noir? Are you still there, sir?’ 

Jack ignored the agent, he just couldn’t think about him or the meeting any longer; he couldn’t care. He wasn’t doing shit for Jack and the only head he was getting from him was a headache _._

The scales in Jack’s mind tipped one way and suddenly he found himself abandoning the attempts to shut himself up. 

There was something liberating about allowing his own heavy breathing encompass the silence, about spreading his legs a little more for the Dignitary, about telling him, 

‘I don’t want you to ever open your fucking mouth again unless it’s for this...’

The Dignitary slowed his pace and hummed, making Jack arch his back in response to the vibrations, tickling his nerves in that wonderful way. More words raced through Jack’s head, commands, orders, and then _pleas._ But like hell was Jack going to give the Dignitary something so salacious so easily. He’d have to do better, a lot better, give Jack more than just his mouth...

‘Uh, sorry, sir…’ The other agent’s voice wavered with an amplified amount of uncertainty, ‘I don’t think I heard that quite right… You want me to…?’

Jack’s mind was buzzing, but it took the word “want” and clung to it. So many wants had run through his thoughts in such a short time.

Jack stroked the tip of his finger down the Dignitary’s cheek and dropped it onto his shoulder. He realised how desperately he was aching to touch the Dignitary back, to feel him in his hands, to get past that fucking uniform...

Jack breathed and looked into the Dignitary’s eyes, ‘I want you to…’

_‘Yes, sir...?’_  

‘To… Take me…’

_‘... Sir?’_

‘On the floor... And…’

The Dignitary stopped and sat up.

‘He wants you to do your job, agent.’ He said, watching Jack’s expression change.

 

The loss of pleasure and sudden chill of cool air against him was enough to send Jack straight back to glaring. The Dignitary had got him all worked up and now he was going to _waste him?_

‘Draconian Dignitary, sir? Are you in there too? Sir, I was so worried I had lost you! How did you run off so quickly, I had thought that you…’

The Dignitary sighed, aware that they were about to receive another monologue. His focus drifted away from Jack and towards the doors. The only move the Dignitary made was to idly lick his own lips. As expected, the Dignitary was as patient as ever. However, Jack was far from anything of the sort, and even further from feeling generous about sharing the Dignitary’s attention.

He shifted a leg out of the Dignitary’s hold and hooked it over his shoulder. He tried to use it to pull the Dignitary back down to where—as far as Jack was concerned—the Dignitary performed best.

The effort was apparently futile, succeeding in retrieving the Dignitary’s attention but only so that he could stare at Jack incredulously in response to the manoeuvre.

Unswayed by whatever judgment was currently being made of him, Jack brought his other leg up onto the Dignitary’s shoulder and tried again.

The Dignitary, staunch in his position, merely shook his head and quietly tutted at him.

Jack frowned and spoke in a low voice, ‘I’m about five seconds away from going out there to fuck _him_ if you don’t start touching me again.’

‘Is that what you want now?’ The Dignitary turned his head to kiss one of Jack’s legs, still lying across his shoulder, ‘I can’t say that I recall that in our deal…’

‘You failed to explicitly outline its contents. A real oversight for an _agent.’_

‘And you failed to ask for them. But I like surprising you, Jack.’ The Dignitary smiled, ‘So, what could you do for me now, I wonder?’

‘I’ll let you keep your head.’

‘Well, I suppose we both know how keen you were for that… How about something else?’ 

Jack rolled his eyes. What was the Dignitary going to ask him for now? A free pass from all meetings? A bigger office? A pension?

‘Perhaps I’m inclined towards a fond, private indulgence… The image of my dear boss, splayed out over his desk, while I lean over him...’ 

‘You’re not fucking me on my fucking desk.’ Jack cut in, ignoring the way his heart began to hammer in his chest upon hearing the description.

‘Oh?’ The Dignitary frowned, seemingly disappointed, ‘Well, I just thought the floor would be cold for you.’

‘Uh-huh.’ Jack said, watching the performance and making no plans to succumb to it; or write it a positive review.

‘It’s simply that you seemed so eager before… You know, when I was touching you…’ 

Jack gasped, startled by the renewed sensation of pleasure as he felt something start rubbing him. He immediately scolded himself for getting so easily distracted by the Dignitary’s fucking theatrics.

‘It was sort of like this, wasn’t it, Jack?’ The Dignitary’s right hand had crept up against Jack’s groin, gently stroking him with his thumb while his fingers teased his entrance. 

‘Nah…’ Jack breathed, ‘Last time it was shutting you up.’ 

Once again, his resolve was melting faster than his temper was boiling, and he couldn’t bring himself to do a damn thing about it.

‘I suppose you’re right, last time I couldn’t do _this…’_

The Dignitary slipped a finger into Jack, but instead of satisfying him, it just made him more desperate. One finger was far from enough.

He used his legs on the Dignitary’s shoulders to tug him closer again, encouraging him to go further.

‘Is something wrong, Jack? Not enough for you?’

The Dignitary twisted the finger around inside him, building up an urgent craving in Jack for something more filling. He barely tried to suppress his grin, ‘I hoped it wouldn’t be.’

The Dignitary withdrew his finger and a sigh fell from Jack’s lips. He was quickly hushed.

‘You wouldn’t want him to hear us again, would you?’ The Dignitary said, ‘Believe it or not, he can’t chatter like that forever.’ 

‘Just fuck me, already.’ Jack’s words came out closer to a whine than a command, but with the way Jack sat on full display, with his legs spread over the Dignitary’s shoulders, he doubted that his authority was still in the room with them. 

‘If that’s what you want, you know what to do.’

It didn’t take long for Jack to decide to retrieve his legs and stand up. He didn’t know how he was going to look back at this, if he was going to go red in the face every time he met the Dignitary’s eyes from now on.

As he moved to the edge of his desk, he tried not to think about the way the Dignitary had put himself on his knees so that he could build up to having Jack on his desk. And then, it was all he could think about as he bent over it.

Jack listened to the Dignitary rising to his feet and pushing his chair away. He walked up behind him and press himself against Jack, showing off how hard he’d become just from watching Jack rush to follow _his_ commands, for once.

‘Good choice.’ He whispered, and Jack heard him unbuttoning his tunic, then whatever was underneath.

Jack felt soaked from all the attention, a feeling that became especially prominent when the Dignitary pressed the tip of himself against Jack’s entrance.

He leaned down over him, just like he said he would, and said softly, ‘Don’t worry, I remember exactly what you said when you came into my office… _Hurry.’_

The Dignitary slid into Jack and took hold of his waist, keeping it still as Jack wriggled beneath him. Jack moaned into one hand, while the other grasped at his desk, leaving him with a fistful of parking citations.

The Dignitary straightened up and sighed when he finished filling Jack to his hilt. He didn’t waste a second and started rocking back and forth into him, at a slow, intentional pace.

‘Fast enough, for you, boss?’

 Jack’s forehead was pressed against the desk, desperately trying to keep his breathing even while he became adjusted to the Dignitary’s length.

‘N-No, you know it’s fucking _not…’_ Jack snarled into the wood, letting his hands freely claw into whatever documents they came into contact with.

‘Maybe if you did something for me, I could speed up a little… How about it?’

‘What the fuck else could you possibly fucking want—’

‘Sirs, are you both there? Did you hear me? Do you want me to come in now?’

Jack froze. He thought the bastard was still wrapped up in his own yammering. When did he stop? Had he been waiting for them to respond? For how long?

‘Don’t worry,’ the Dignitary said to him quietly, _‘One_ of us has been listening…’

Again, when Jack expected the Dignitary to stop, he did not. 

‘Give him his orders, Archagent Noir… Just like the ones you gave me, you remember them, don’t you?’ 

Jack, for his own life, couldn’t remember. He couldn’t remember a single fucking thing anymore. All he could do was lie there and do everything in his power to keep himself from begging the Dignitary to fuck him faster. These little pleasures were truly ruining him.

‘That’s alright,’ the Dignitary reassured him, ‘I remember… All you have to do is repeat after me.’

Jack recalled the way his voice had failed him before and shook his head quickly. He’d give them both away, he knew he would.

‘After me, Jack,’ the Dignitary insisted, and with a hint of twisted glee in his voice, he continued, ‘I order you, as your Archagent…’ 

‘... I order you… As your Archagent…’ 

‘Yes, sir?’ The agent behind the door said. 

‘And in the name of the Black King and the Black Queen...’

‘And… In the name of the…’ Jack bit his lip. Those names were the last things he wanted in his mouth at that moment. He spat them out, ‘Black King and the Black Queen…’

‘Good...’ The Dignitary praised him and Jack felt the pace of his movements increase, only slightly faster but enough to catch Jack off guard.

_‘Please.’_ He begged into his desk, and was met with the instant desire to bite off his own tongue, chew it, and swallow.

‘P-Please what, sir?’ The other agent stuttered, repeating the word as though he were awestruck by his discovery that the Archagent even possessed it in his vocabulary. 

‘Now say: to go to my meeting...’ The Dignitary said, returning Jack to his task. 

‘To go to… My… _Fuck!_ My meeting…’

The Dignitary moved faster again and Jack could barely keep his mouth closed, panting heavily with each thrust.

‘Listen.’ 

‘Listen…’ Jack repeated, ignoring how his mouth was flooded with gasps, mingled together with moans. The Dignitary was turning him into a mess of pleasure and Jack just wanted to let him.

It felt so perfect… It felt like he was going to...

The Dignitary spoke again, ‘Take notes.’

‘T-Take notes…’

‘Behave.’

_‘I will…’_ The words tasted like bile but Jack was so close, he could hardly stop himself. 

He felt his body tense up, ‘Faster... _Fucking please…_ I…’

‘Jack…’ 

‘Archagent Noir…? Are you okay—’

Jack cried out, body tightening and then bursting into spasms as he climaxed around the Dignitary. His claws bit into the wood and he trembled as he descended from his high. There was little he could do to stop himself gasping for much-needed air.

 

The Dignitary had stopped. Jack didn’t ask why, he just assumed that the Dignitary had finished as well. But when Jack looked up, he saw one of his office doors left ajar. He thought he could hear footsteps over his heavy breathing, fast footsteps. 

‘You know… I think he might have heard us,’ the Dignitary mused, ‘Or, you…’ 

Jack waited until he’d caught his breath again, then spoke, ‘Well?’

‘Well, what?’ 

‘Aren’t you gonna go take care of that?’ 

‘Oh, you mean before he spreads the rumour that the Archagent is getting _ploughed_ by his agents on his very desk? It really didn’t cross my mind.’

Jack sighed, ‘I hate you… I hate you so much…’ 

‘I’ll remember that the next time you’re whimpering around my shaft.’ The Dignitary murmured.

Jack did not stab him but he thought about it; vividly. This fantasy was interrupted as the Dignitary pulled out of Jack and put himself back to his orderly state.

The Dignitary hesitated, ‘Would you like some assistance, Archagent Noir?’ 

Jack rolled himself onto his back so that he could see at the Dignitary. He looked exactly how Jack had found him earlier, wholly indifferent, but now marginally less useless in Jack’s eyes. 

‘That will be all, Draconian Dignitary.’ He waved a hand lazily, dismissing him.

The Dignitary nodded and went around to the other side of his desk, where Jack’s head lay. He leaned down and kissed him, and although exhausted, Jack made sure to kiss him back.

‘Close the door on the way out.’ Jack said.

The Dignitary was upside down, but the smile he wore was unmistakable, ‘Are you sure? I was actually going to open the other one as well. I figured you’d want some air and—’

‘I don’t have a single fucking qualm about hiding _two_ bodies today, Dignitary.’ 

The Dignitary nodded again, then left, closing the door behind him. Jack listened to his slow and steady footsteps, off in search of prey.

 

Jack wondered if this was it, peace at last, but it sure didn’t feel like it. He sat up and looked down at himself, expectedly looking like a mess. Jack squinted at the marks that the Dignitary had left on him with his teeth, as well as his claws, while he held Jack’s waist. He made a note to get him back, but at that moment, he certainly wasn’t in a rush to find himself in the Dignitary’s path.

Jack Noir hummed to himself as he looked over the shredded parking citations and claw marks etched into his desk. 

‘Beats harvest requisitioning strategies for Derse’s army on Skaia at least...’

**Author's Note:**

> Annnnnd off the bucket list that item goes...


End file.
